The DBT Skill STOP: How to Pause Before You React

TL;DR: The DBT skill STOP helps you take a mindful pause before reacting when emotions run high. By learning to stop, step back, observe, and proceed mindfully, you can respond with clarity instead of regret.

Have you ever said or done something in the heat of the moment that you later wished you hadn’t? The DBT skill STOP can help you pause before reacting. Whether you’re feeling angry, anxious, or overwhelmed, this simple four-step strategy from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy teaches you how to slow down and respond instead of react.

What Is the STOP Skill?

STOP is a core skill in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), designed to help regulate emotions and reduce impulsive reactions. It stands for:

• S – Stop: Freeze. Don’t move a muscle or say anything yet.
• T – Take a step back: Literally or mentally pause. Take a slow, deep breath.
• O – Observe: Notice what’s happening around and within you. What emotions, thoughts, or physical sensations are showing up?
• P – Proceed mindfully: Choose your next action with intention. Ask yourself what will help the situation instead of making it worse.

Why It Matters

• Helps calm your body’s stress response
• Strengthens emotional awareness
• Improves relationships by reducing reactive conflict
• Builds mindfulness and self-control over time

Example: How STOP Works in Real Life

Jamie, age 10, loves playing soccer. During recess, a friend accidentally bumps into him and takes the ball. Jamie feels anger rise in his chest and wants to yell—but then remembers the STOP skill.

• S: Jamie freezes for a second instead of shouting.
• T: He takes a slow breath and counts to three.
• O: He notices his clenched fists, racing heartbeat, and that his friend looks apologetic.
• P: Jamie says, “Hey, that hurt,” instead of yelling. His friend apologizes, and they keep playing.

Jamie feels proud because he didn’t let his feelings take over.

Why the STOP Skill Works

When emotions spike, the brain’s “fight-or-flight” system takes over. The STOP skill gives your thinking brain—the prefrontal cortex—time to catch up. That small pause allows your body to calm and your mind to choose a response that matches your values, not just your impulses.

Make It Stick

Practising STOP takes time and repetition. Try these tips:

• Rehearse it when you’re calm. Imagine a stressful moment and mentally walk through each step.
• Write it somewhere visible. A sticky note reminder helps make it automatic.
• Pair it with breathing. A slow exhale signals safety to your nervous system.
• Reflect afterward. Notice what changed when you used STOP instead of reacting.

If you find it hard to pause in the moment, that’s okay. Skills like this are learned through patience, not perfection.

How ERWC Can Help

Our therapists use evidence-based tools like DBT to support emotional regulation and distress tolerance. We can help you:

• Understand emotional triggers and body cues
• Build personalized coping strategies
• Strengthen mindfulness and communication skills
• Practise these techniques in a safe, supportive setting

We offer in-person care in London, Ontario, and virtual psychotherapy across the province.

Next Steps

Book a consult with a trauma-informed therapist to start learning DBT skills that help you respond with calm and clarity.

Disclaimer:
This article is for general information only and isn’t medical or crisis advice. If you’re struggling, consider speaking with a qualified professional. In an emergency, contact local emergency services.